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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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Me: Cortana, I definitely don't use any other virtual assistant.
Cortana: Are you Siri-ous?
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My wife saw an ant picking up a leaf 5 times its body weight, and told me, “Can you imagine being that strong?”
So I picked up the leaf and said, “Yes.”
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Dad: Sorry, but I only know how to make two dishes: meat loaf and apple pie.
Kid: Which one is this?
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Yesterday I slapped Dwayne Johnson's ass.
I've officially hit rock bottom.
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Why did the stadium get so hot after the game?
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