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Why do hair dressers always get places faster?
Because they know all the short cuts.
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Never combine a cat with an apostrophe.
It’ll be a catastrophe.
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I farted in the Apple store, and everyone got mad.
It's not my fault that they didn't have Windows.
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My wife: You need to do more chores around the house. Me: Can we change the subject?
Her: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...
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