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What's the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist?
The literalist takes things literally. The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
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My first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
copilot: they keep your shirt closed
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How do snowboarders introduce themselves?
"Sorry, dude!"
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As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.
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What do you say to comfort an English teacher?
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