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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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What's the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist?
The literalist takes things literally. The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
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What do cigarettes and squirrels have in common?
They're both perfectly safe until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
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Jedi's make lousy spouses
They always threaten to use divorce.
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My deaf wife just told me that “we need to talk.”
That was not a good sign.
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My first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
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