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What do you get when you cross a monkey and a pansy?
A chimpansy.
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Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Kid: No, he did it all by himself!
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My wife came back from the store complaining about how the lady at the register was a total bitch.
I asked her if she was at self check out. Looks like I'm sleeping on the couch.
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Why was the cook arrested?
He was caught beating an egg.
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Would anyone be interested in being my companion?
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