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What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
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I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
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My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type
As he died, he kept insisting "be positive", but it's hard without him.
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What days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The other ones are weak days.
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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...
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