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What do cigarettes and squirrels have in common?
They're both perfectly safe until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
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Did you know the film “Speed” had no director?
If it had direction, it would be called “Velocity”.
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I bought my friend an elephant for her room.
She said "thanks". I said "don't mention it".
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Teenager's dad: Have her back by 8:15.
Daughter's boyfriend: The middle of august? Great!
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Why did the stadium get so hot after the game?
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