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What did the calculator say to the depressed student?
You can count on me young man.
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My wife said to me, 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?'
I said, 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.'
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What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
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When my grandma died, I had her cremated and put her ashes in a trophy that said "World's Best Grandma."
She urned it.
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Why did the stadium get so hot after the game?
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