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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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To the guy who stole my antidepressants...
I hope you're happy now
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it...
... then my illegal logging operation is a great success.
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I asked my wife to pick up a pumpkin to make pumpkin pie. When she said she couldn't find one at the store, I told her,
"I guess our plans are squashed."
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I watched a movie about graphs last night, but I was slightly disappointed.
The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.
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My first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
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