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The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally gave her a glue.
She's still not talking to me.
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Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar every time I have pessimistic thoughts.
It’s currently half empty.
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I got into bar fight and shoved a guy into a light switch on the wall.
He looked at me and said, “OH, ITS ON NOW!”
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People told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic
But so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase and they turned out lovely
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Why did the stadium get so hot after the game?
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