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So I texted my crush and asked her, “Are you an ancient artifact,”
“Because I want to date you.”
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What is Beethoven doing in his grave?
Decomposing.
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Newscaster: Why did you relocate across the country?
Weatherman: Because the weather didn't agree with me.
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What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?
Thank you for your cervix.
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I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
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