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My girlfriend hates when I make jokes about her weight.
She needs to lighten up.
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What is black and white and sits on a swing?
A swinguine.
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Two atoms were walking down the street. One turns to the other and says, "Oh, no! I think I'm an ion!" The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"
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I clean all my weapons with tree sap.
Some say I’m crazy, but I’m sticking to my guns.
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My first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
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