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Mayan: Hey wanna drink?
Other Mayan: I'm working on this calendar, but I guess if I don't finish it won't be the end of the world.
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I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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I wrote down the names of everyone I hate on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint.
He’s now high on the list of people I never want to see again.
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Why are mints so smart?
Because mints make cents.
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Why did the stadium get so hot after the game?
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