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I once swallowed a book of synonyms.
It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had!
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My last annual performance review said I lacked passion and intensity.
They've never seen me alone with a really big cheeseburger.
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I entered my sons room and said, "Remember, boy, masturbating can make you go blind."
"I'm over here dad." He replied.
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I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey.
But then I turned myself down.
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What do you say to comfort an English teacher?
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