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I lost five pounds last week,
but I found them in a fridge over the weekend.
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I remember the last thing my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket.
He said, “Hey how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
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I quit my job as a mailman when they handed me the first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
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Patient: Doc, I don't believe that peanuts are fattening.
Doctor: Well, have you ever seen a skinny elephant?
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Why did the stadium get so hot after the game?
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