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I burned 2,000 calories yesterday.
Left the brownies in the oven too long.
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I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: “Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!”
She is watching our wedding video again.
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What did fridge say when asked 'any hot drinks?'?
'No, I'm cool.'
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I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary
I said, “Mark, my words!”
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My first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
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