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I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist.
I should have known, there were red flags everywhere.
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I love the way the earth rotates.
It really makes my day.
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I want my favorite team to be my pallbearers
so that they can let me down one last time.
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Did you hear about the guy who ate bananas whole?
He didn’t peel too well
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My first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
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