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I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist.
I should have known, there were red flags everywhere.
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Kid: There's something in my shoe?
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My wife caught me cross dressing and told me it was over.
So I packed all her clothes and left.
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What did the big bucket say to the small bucket?
"You're looking a little pail!"
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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...
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