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How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
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Yesterday I walked in on my girlfriend in bed with her personal trainer
I told her, "This isn't working out"
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I just lost my mood ring..
I can’t tell you how I feel about it.
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The only time I get called "Sir" is when I'm in trouble.
"Sir, you're gonna have to get out. The ball pit is for kids only Sir."...
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I was kidnapped by mimes once
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