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Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I’m not going to spread it!
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My girlfriend says if we don’t get married soon, she’s gonna kill me.
...it’s a matter of wife or death.
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Today is a day to celebrate motherfuckers.
Happy Father's Day!
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I met a beautiful cactus today, so I told it, " you're looking sharp today ". " I'm just a cactus " , it said.
" You have a point there ", I replied.
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What do you say to comfort an English teacher?
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