The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

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Did you hear about the lumberjack who got fired for cutting down too many trees?

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My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.

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My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, “If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”

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A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"