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Can I watch the TV?
Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.
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To all the people out there suffering with paranoia just remember
you're not alone.
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Why do boxers have TGIF written on the inside of their shoes?
"Toes go in first."
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Why can't a lactose intolerant dyslexic man keep a diary?
Because he's allergic.
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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...
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