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A person asked me, "Aren't you the guy who brags about weird stuff?"
I replied, "No, Im the guy who takes the longest baths in the city".
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I couldn't decide whether my girlfriend was pretty, or ugly.
So I told her that she was pretty ugly.
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Just watched all the Harry Potter movies back to back with a friend
Stupid, really, because it meant I couldn't see the TV
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I can cut down a tree by just looking at it
It’s true I saw it with my own two eyes
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When I was young, my dad used to tear up the last page of all my comic books and never told me why.
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