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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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A person asked me, "Aren't you the guy who brags about weird stuff?"
I replied, "No, Im the guy who takes the longest baths in the city".
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My dad threw a cheese shredder at me and he missed
I ran away and he yelled at me: “get back here you ungrateful child”
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If you have 10 apples in one hand and 14 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Really, really big hands.
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I wrote down the names of everyone I hate on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint.
He’s now high on the list of people I never want to see again.
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My first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
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