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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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I shot my enemy with a paintball gun
I wanted to see them dye
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Every morning after I get up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of shit to IKEA.
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What a strange morning. First I find a hat full of money in the street
Then I get chased by an angry guy with a guitar!
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When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."
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I dated a twin once...
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