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I married my wife for her looks
Just not the ones she been giving me lately.
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What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
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Why do astronauts use linux?
because you can't open windows in space.
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Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
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A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You ARE the lawyer!"
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