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I keep trying to lose weight,
but it keeps finding me.
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Why was the girl staring at the juice box?
Because it said: "Concentrate."
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I told my boss that three companies were after me, and I needed a raise to stay at my current job.
"Which companies are after you?" my boss asked. "Gas, electric and cable" I responded.
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What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios.
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One impeachment is bad, but two impeachments.
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