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I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I also...
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What's more amazing than a talking dog?
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Today is a day to celebrate motherfuckers.
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Did you hear about the fight that broke out at the seafood restaurant?
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I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra."

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