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I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I also...
...had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...
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I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”
I shouted, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
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I'm a big fan of whiteboards
I find them quite re-markable.
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What does a vegan zombie say?
"Graaains! Graaaains!"
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My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office.
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