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A lot of people assume pirates prefer to be in the navy.
But actually they prefer the arrrrrrrrmy.
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"Welcome back, everybody" is apparently not a good way to start your speech
if you're the best man at your buddy's second wedding.
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Cosmetic surgery used to be something that people would be embarrassed to speak about
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
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Me and my wife were perfectly happy for 28 years
And then we met each other.
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Why does the man want to buy nine rackets?
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